Wednesday, May 30, 2007

The People of Los Angeles v. Mitchell Kupchak

Dear Dr. Buss,

I know you are getting up there in years and you may not be down with the Internets like us younger folk. But someway, somehow, I hope you get a chance to read this.

On behalf of the diehard P&G faithful, I would like to suggest that it's time for a change in leadership. Mitch Kupchak may be a nice, intelligent man but he is not the right person to be the General Manager of the Los Angeles Lakers.

We've been suffering these past few years Doc. Really suffering. First Chick died, then that Kobe thing, and then the meltdown in the Finals against Detroit. And then the losing. Oh dear God, the losing. All that agonizing, heartbreaking, "what the hell was he thinking? I'm not going to sleep tonight" losing.

Through it all, through all the mindnumbing losses, we've tried to keep the faith. We're not those powdered donuts that you see on the lower level of the Staples Center. We're the guys who listen to the radio shows, post on the boards, buy the jerseys and really put that money into your pocket. We're the ones who hurt after a loss, who watch the grainy Internet feeds and get manic during win streaks.

We're the Lakers fans. We bleed Purple and Gold.

Like Kobe, we had hope that someway, somehow, things could get turned around again and we'd all be dancing down Figueroa doing the Madsen 3 step. But like Kobe, we've had our hearts broken by some really dumb decisions by management. Brian Grant? Vlade Divac? Aaron McKie? Kwame the Kake-throwing Klown?!? (Don't even get me started on the ongoing water torture that is Sasha Vujacic.) Why did we draft Brian Cook instead of Barbosa? Why did we compound our mistake by giving that bad attitude, low-flying matador an extension? Whose idea was it to let Fisher walk [and then bring him back at way too much money], piss-off Payton and then give the starting point guard job for 2 years (2 YEARS!) to Smush Parker? And why, oh why oh why, did we let one of the most annoying Celtics of all time, Danny Frickin' Ainge, punk us over Marcus Banks [and now KG!!!]?

I could go on but you get the point. There are a lot of questions about the moves the front office has made, or failed to make, during these past 3 years. Granted, it's a bit unfair to pin this all on Mitch. But he's the GM. Like any CEO, he's the one who ultimately needs to take responsibility for the bottom line.

You're a Poker player. You know that some dealers give you nothing but junk cards. I don't know when Mitch killed a lephrachan, broke a mirror and walked under a ladder but the guy has some really bad luck. First as a player and now as a GM, the guy is a walking 3-leaf clover! The organization needs some dynamic, daring visionary who will put an end to all of this squabbling and BS and bring the trophy back to Los Angeles.

I know you have high hopes, as any father would, for your son, Jim, but the game is too dynamic and too complex for a latecomer like your son. He's up against guys who have done nothing but eat, sleep and breathe basketball for every waking moment of their lives. You need someone like Bryan Colangelo (or Magic!!!) who seems to have that Midas touch.

Find the hot hand Dr. Buss and then ride the shit out of it. Ditch Mitch. He's suffering under the sort of karmic debt that would make serial killers weep. Hire someone who is willing to make the sort of bold moves that made the Lakers great for all those years.

We're begging you Doc. It's not too late for another dance down Figueroa.